”Not that I don’t want to be with you, but it’s just not working out anymore”, she said to me in an apologetic tone as she ended her reasoning speech. Piercing through my chest and it cut me into two. I could sense the guilt but there was nothing I could do. She was on the verge of bursting out and I was still here waiting to for her to tell me why. That little thing inside my chest kept alarming and telling me, “Sh sh sh. You promised you’ll never make her cry.” For the next 10 ten minutes none of us talked. I was very certain that there’s absolutely nothing left to talk. “I am sorry”, she said after that seemingly never ending pause. I took my eyes off the floor I had been looking for twenty three minutes now and looked into her eyes. Supressing those million questions and the urge to get a justification that could put her in pain, I smiled at her and said, “It’s alright.”
With tears running down, smudged mascara and swollen eyes, she looked into my eyes and said, “You don’t have to be so nice. Yell at me. Tell me that you’re not alright.” Choked up and barely able to breath, I wanted to tell her what she meant to me. Just for once, I wanted to be the weak one and have her shoulder to cry. But instead, I looked at her and smiled. Another moment of silence arrived that didn’t seem awkward anymore because that was the only bridge between us now for a good long while. Yet again the silence broke and she put her defence up, “It’s not you. It’s me. I don’t want to put you through anymore pain. I still love you but I’m sorry, I’m just sick of our fights.” Every breathe seemed to become heavier. “You can not stray me just because we fight. I may have screwed up at times, but you didn’t do any less either. I’ve never done anything to deserve the reward that you’re treating me with tonight and this time I’m really too tired to fight. There were times when you screwed up real bad, but I chose to stay. All I want to say is that this pain is excruciating, please don’t walk away.” I mumbled to myself. But I couldn’t burden her with a constant sense of pain and guilt she feels in my presence. So I got up, walked towards the door, turned around and said, “It’s alright!” 😊
chiragsanghvii 