//••Nothing special about this picture, neither about this very normal vendor on a railway station. He’s just as normal and human being as you and I are. Then why is it that he’s given lesser privilege and respect by people like you and me? This picture is of just a few minutes ago from now when I saw this very nicely dressed mannerless guy in his mid fourties talking in a pathetically rude manner to this poor guy for no reasons at all. All I could hear from that scolding was – “Tum logo ka yahi aukat hai. Tu chupchap apna kaam se kaam rakh!” meaning “This is your real standard. You shut up and do your work.” This really shook me. I looked at the poor vendor who took it all very silently, lowered his eyes and didn’t even say a single word. After the man left, I reached out to the guy to enquire what actually happened. The only words he said to me were, “Arey jaane do na bhaiya, ye roz ka hai apne liye. Ye bade sahab logo ka aisa hi rehta hai. Kaam ka tension rehta, gusse me rehte toh kahi nahi toh yaha nikal dete. Aap jaane do. Tension mat lo(with a smile). Aap batao aapko kya du?
(Means “Brother, leave this. This is an everyday story for me now. These rich people do that only. They’re stressed out because of their work and need some place to vent it out. So, it’s me I guess. You don’t worry. Tell me, what do you want?)
I was completely spellbound at that moment. I suddenly found myself in a whirlpool of thoughts. Of how the power of money gives us the feeling of superiority that doesn’t even exist. You may be a person with greater educational qualification, but that doesn’t give you the right to suppress the lower part of the society or rather anyone with a lower educational qualification than you. Vice versa if you are the one with a little lower educational qualification or a smaller job, no one can take away from you the privilege of being treated equally or even as a human being. Never lower your self esteem for anyone. Be yourself and never be apologetic.
So guys, please be polite to everyone. Because, what goes round, comes around. If you don’t understand words, remember that karma knows it’s way to reach you and give it back to you in your face. ••//
3 A.M.
Hey there! Remember, it’s absolutely okay to be broken and not being able to cope up with it. It’s okay to burst out crying when you need to hold on to your tears the most. It’s okay to be sad for days and weeks, and to be all by yourself for a while. But hey, it’s not at all okay not to let go off the pain and holding onto it for so long that it makes a home inside your heart and starts tearing you up into bits and pieces from inside and starts feeding off of you. Even before this starts happening to you, catch hold of that one person you believe in with all your heart and soul, and tell them how you feel. Tell them about all your fears and insecurities. Because darling, ask me how it feels to bury all your pains inside your chest as they cut through your body and leave you completely scarred in and out. Ask me how it feels not to have that one person I’d put all my faith into and tell them about all my fears that haunt me every night at 3 a.m. when everyone else is talking to their someone about love, life, fear, pain and passion. Ask me how it feels to be fighting all my demons all by myself after I rescue other people from theirs. Ask me how it feels to go sleepless for several nights in a row when you are too tired to fight, but that’s the only ultimate choice you are left with. And ask me how it feels to be a 3 a.m. friend to many and not having a single one for myself.
Life out there is really tough, my friend. And for that, all that you ever need to remember is to never stop believing in yourself. And to never underestimate someone’s love for you. For, if they are ready to fight your demons at hand in the darkest hour of the night, they would probably do anything in this world for you.
//•• Lost And Found ••//
I still feel a rush in my veins and my blood turns into water everytime I see you. I feel an excruciating pain in my chest, as if someone is crushing my rib cage all at once. Everything has changed since the day you have left. But all it takes is a single glance of your pretty face to bring back a thousand memories that we have left behind. All those long lost memories seem so fresh that they play in my head as if it was just yesterday. I do not hate you for anything. Neither am I mad at you. I’m just a little upset with myself for putting all my faith in someone so blindly. But I’m really that glad you made your choices. Because now, even after all the pains I go through at every single glance of you, I have a thin faded smile on my face knowing that I would no more be the reason to your sadness. I lost you and you lost me. But darling, that’s not even important. The only thing that’s important is that I found myself in the process of losing you.
I Wish I Die Young
So this is one of the very sad, horrific but yet very touching experiences of my life that I’m sharing with you all here today. This is the one that shook me from the roots and touched me deeply. The one that totally changed my life thereafter. The one that still scares me thinking of what’s going to happen with me in the future up ahead. Making me take a pledge for the betterment of the situations and the betterment of my own conscience. This one is about my trip to an old age home. The trip that’ll be in my heart forever.
So, this is how it went around three years back in the very first year of my graduation school. As a routine, my college had organized a trip to an old age home somewhere at the outskirts of the city. We, the students were informed about it a week prior to the trip. The staff members suggested if the students could do some charity with their own will. They offered us to contribute money amongst ourselves and carry along some good food stuff for the old people. So with full planning and preparations we were all set to leave for the Old Age Home. I don’t remember the name specifically though. So, as we boarded the bus, we were a lot excited about the trip because this was a totally new experience for all of us. None of us had ever indulged into any such social cause ever before. Happy, merry and joyful we all proceeded towards our destination. With no clue of how an old age home looks like. Just too much of happiness of doing such a great job, all the way we discussed about our routine that we had planned already to carry out there. And as we were to reach the destination, a sudden uneasiness started bothering me. A feeling of suffocation had already started taking over me. A little bit of sadness. And then we reached. The very first view of it is still so fresh in my mind. A broken gate with long fence at both the sides. And bushes of totally dried trees leaning over the fences. Gosh! It looked so depressing. Well, now I was already too nervous for actually commencing the trip. For even stepping inside that old age home. I’ve never had this much of negative feeling ever before. But then, with a strong heart I entered the main entrance of the place with my friends. The view was really spooky.
So, as we entered, basically this place was divided into two halves. The left and the right. On the left side was a temple and at the right corner was an old and broken building. And here was a guy who was supposed to guide us at that place. The place was massively spread from inside. The man insisted us to see the temple built on the other corner of that place. So we followed him. As we proceeded, I started feeling a little better than I felt before. Things were getting normal. And I again managed to start enjoying with my pals. As we were heading towards the temple, a few old people had already started appearing in front of us. Some of them just taking a walk. Some sitting in corners and thinking about something. Some roaming around randomly. So skipping the unnecessary elaboration of unimportant details I’ll get to the point straight. We just visited the temple and soon headed towards the old age home.
As I put my first step inside that building, I just don’t know what happened and a tear rolled down the corner of my left eye. Maybe my heart had already got a clue of what’s there inside, waiting for us. So I moved further with my bag that was full of different varieties of biscuits. Because that’s what we had planned to take along. So as we started off with the actual thing, I and my group of four friends entered one of the rooms. I still remember how a poor old man laid on the bed and his wife was giving him a massage. That moment! Yes, that very moment I lost it. I suddenly burst out crying and just left the room. The old lady noticed this and she came out while I was silently weeping in a corner. She came to me, kept her hand on my head and said, “Beta. Jise rona chahiye woh toh ek baar dekhta bhi nahi palatkar. Aap kyun ro rahe ho?” I looked at her with wet eyes and just hugged her stiffly. A woman who was already in her 80s, her husband who was laying there almost paralyzed, she consoled me. And I could do nothing. All I could do was cry. Looking at me that really really strong lady got her eyes wet. She said to me, “Tu hai na mera beta?” I just smiled and all I could say was, “Haan Maa!” “Maa? Mere sath ghar chaloge?” She smiled and said, “Pagle ab din hi kitne bache hai zindagi ke.” I could say nothing after that. I kept mum. I so badly wanted to take her home and take care of her. That sweet old lady. While all this was happening, I never noticed that all my friends were standing right there. Watching me. All of them had tears in their eyes. They hugged me so stiff. Now I was feeling much better.
So I took off my bag from my shoulder, unzipped it, took two packs of the special cream biscuits that we had decided to give the most special oldies and handed over to Maa! “Maa, Ye aap dono ke liye hamari taraf se”, I smiled and said. She accepted my love and came close to me and kissed my forehead. I was already very happy now. And then we proceeded towards other rooms. As we checked into the second room there was on old lady sitting in front of an idol of Shri Krishna. She was praying to god about something. Our entry disturbed her maybe. She turned around and smiled. Before we could offer her the pack of biscuit, she offered us some. Maybe they were prior informed about our visit. That sweet old lady had already decorated a plate of biscuits for us. It felt so good. As we sat there the old lady started narrating her story to us. Of how her children just left her here at this place. As she went into the detail she started crying. And so did we. We had never even thought that there are such people who could leave their parents in such a bad and critical condition. My heart ached.
After that as we moved towards other rooms, the story had become really monotonic. Every single person was left broken by their children in some or the other way. It was a real pain. I had never thought that I’d come across such a dreadful truth in my life someday. The truth that had cut me into a million pieces from inside. Well, now that I was quite familiar with all of this, it hurt a little less. To think about all those people I just met moments ago. In fact I was happy now that they are here. Because none of those children deserved such great parents who after narrating the entire story said, “Par mera beta dil ka saaf hai. Uski kuch majburi hogi isiliye hume yaha chhoda hai.” Every single parent said this. And I really don’t think that this was planned. I was happy for them now. But now was the time for me to experience some real pain.
So, this was the last room we had to visit. And prepared for yet another old person waiting with his/ her story, we moved ahead. But now was the real moment that changed everything in my life. A moment that showed me one of the ugliest faces of this life. As I stepped inside the room, I saw this aged man laying on his bed who was in his 90s. Somewhere really close to hundred. Almost paralyzed. Who couldn’t even change his side on his own while sleeping. With a pack of biscuit in my hand I stood there silently. Asking myself if this poor old man could even eat it. And as he saw me standing there, he took so much efforts and turned his face towards me and said, “Aao beta” in a really shaky voice. I became so numb that I couldn’t even here his voice at once. And as he repeated it for the second time, it strike my ears. And I just went to him and sat on the floor besides his bed. And as I sat there, a totally weird silence took over. Neither of us could utter a word for the next few minutes. I had never been so disappointed. So sad. So depressed may be. I just got up from the place touched that old man’s feet and left the room crying. I really do not remember where did I just go. All I remember that I wanted to be alone for that particular while and I let myself do that well. Everyone kept searching for me everywhere, till it wasn’t the time for us to leave finally. As we had to leave, I silently boarded the bus. And we left. And this is how the story ends!
That was the day I learnt a lesson for lifetime. That was the day I never want to see again. A day that just gave me one more reason to survive. For my parents. For all those parents who are deprived of the love they deserve. For their happiness. The day I took a pledge for the betterment of the situations. For the betterment of this society with such narrow minds.
And they still asked me for where had I disappeared the other day. What I was doing? How am I answerable to them now? How do I tell them that I was hiding behind the bushes and crying to death. How do I tell them how difficult that time was for me. How I could still remember every single instance of that day so well even today.
I beg of every single person who is reading this. Please don’t deprive your parents from the love they deserve. Everyone who have their parents, just ask those who have lost theirs. Ask them the value and the role of parents in your life. They have treated you and brought you up like a royal child. You have no rights to treat them like a waste. Dare you not do that. This is the time to pay back for all that they’ve done for you for past so many years. This is the time to give them all the happiness they’ve sacrificed just to see us smiling. So, let’s take a pledge to treat them the way they actually deserve. Not even a bit less. Because the karma would definitely pay us back in the same way ahead. So that we never get this reward from our kids when we are old. So that we never have to think – “I Wish I Die Young!”
//•• I don’t go to that coffee shop anymore ••//
I don’t go to that coffee shop anymore. But it’ll always be my favourite place. That’s where it all started and that’s exactly where it all ended. I don’t go to that coffee shop anymore, for, getting over you took me going through an excruciating pain and now that I’m doing fine, I’m afraid to fall for you all over again. I don’t go to that coffee shop anymore, because we’ve been there so many times that every fucking coffee mug they own has been on our table once atleast and I’m trying really hard to forget how your lips tasted. I don’t go to that coffee shop anymore, because more than the coffee they served, I loved the feeling of the aroma of your scent slowly running down my veins everytime we met. And that scent still fucking exists in the air of that coffee shop that now suffocates. I don’t go to that coffee shop anymore, because that’s the place I opened up to someone about my insecurities and fears for the first time, and now if I step into that place again, I fear I may end up drink dialling you and telling you that I was never over you and I’ll never be, and how much it aches not to have you here anymore. I don’t go to that coffee shop anymore, because I know that you still visit there everyday. Not alone, but just without me. 🙂
•••• Chai Pe Charcha ••••
So, this morning, as the tea stall I visit every morning was closed, I decided to have my breakfast at this place called Cafe V.J.T.I near my hostel, where I came across these two men in the picture who I presume to be in their 70s. These two lovely men made my morning a complete treat that I’m not going to forget for years now. As I entered this place, I heard two old men talking really loud. At first I did not pay attention, for I thought they must be talking about some random stuff. And secondly, it’s a bad thing to hear someone else’s conversation. I silently walked past their table and occupied the table next to them (Because that was the only vacant table at that moment). I ordered my tea and started fidgeting with my cellphone and just then I heard one of those two old men saying, “Pata nahi hum insaan mazhab ko lekar ye ladai kab band karege” i.e. (I don’t know when are we human beings going to stop fighting over religion). It was Mr. Abdullah (on the right). It totally took me by surprise and I couldn’t help but put my ear into their conversation. Following which Mr. Rasik (on the left) replied, “Haan. Aaj bhaisahab hum hindu hai aur aap musalman ho. Agle janam me shayad aap hindu ho aur hum musalman. Kisko pata hai? Hamare Ram aur aapke Allah me sirf naam matra ka fark hai.” i.e. (Yes brother. Today, I am a Hindu and you’re a Muslim. In the coming life it may happen that you’ll be a Hindu and I, a Muslim. Who knows? Ram and Allah are two different names for the same god we both preach). And this conversation went for a good long while where they discussed many more beautiful things which I am glad I could witness.
Listening to this, totally took me by a storm of happiness. Of how people out there still want peace, instead of territories and power. Maybe there was nothing really extra ordinary about this conversation, but it makes me happy to see people talking the language of love and peace more often than ever.
Please educate your children, friends, colleagues and everyone around you to not hate someone if they’re from some other religion. They’re equally as human as you are. Don’t Judge. Spread Love. Say yes to equality. ❤
Mumbai – The City Of Lights.
So I am going to talk a little about my very first encounter with this city of lights. Not as a visitor this time, but as a resident now. It’s been just three months now that I have shifted to this new place and my love for this city has started growing exponentially already. Ever since I was a little child, I have been in traveling to Mumbai very frequently and this place has treated me the best and better each time I have been here. Right from a simple auto rickshaw ride to catching a fully packed local train. Right from shopping in the overcrowded Colaba Market on a sunny afternoon to sitting on the Marine Drive and just staring at the sea endlessly in the middle of the night, Mumbai has given me few of the best memories of my life.
Just like any other person, even I have come to Mumbai looking for opportunities and making my life large. But, I believe that unless I do not give this city what it wants, it will not give me what I want. Over these months I have learned that all that Mumbai wants from any person is timeliness, punctuality, hard work and dedication. All it demands is only “EFFORTS”. Before coming to Mumbai I was already warned that Mumbai is a very tough place to live in. It is a fast track and you need to keep running if you want to survive. MYTH! Mumbai is just like any other city. Rather, it is better than any other place in this world if you are really willing to make your living and your existence worth it. There is a reason why this place is known more popularly as “The City That Never Sleeps”. For, people who really want to make it large in their lives are found in Mumbai. People who dream with their eyes open are found in Mumbai. Right from a normal vada pav vendor to the owners of the top Indian MNCs here work their souls off every day like it’s their last day in this world. That level of dedication amuses me. That level of dedication I wish I had. These are those morning coffee thoughts that strike my head when I get up every morning and just lay there on my hostel bed. These are those thoughts that I just use to inspire myself for learning something new and doing something out of the box every day. These are the lessons that drive me a little closer to my goals every day.
The last thing that I would like to talk about before I sum this up is the people here. One prominent thing that I have noticed in the people here is the ‘never stop attitude’. No matter how troublesome it gets and no matter how many times they fail, they will never give up. They’ll rather take a leap of faith and go for another try. Every person I meet is struggling in their life with something or else. But I never see anyone talking about quitting or giving up. They would abuse aloud sometimes or even just curse the work or the person who has allotted the work, but no one here says “I can’t do it anymore”, “I quit”, or things like these.
And otherwise, people here are very sweet, humble and helpful. If they see you stuck somewhere, they do not wait for you to go to them and ask for help. Rather, they would simply walk to you and ask you if you needed any help. No, this is not a joke. This is something that I have personally experienced. There are myths about Mumbai and Mumbaikars that they have no time to stop by and talk to you even for a second. I agree to this to some extent, otherwise, NO. Or maybe the situation is just like that and I have always been lucky enough to get all my help every time.
To just sum this up, I just want to say that Mumbai has given me the best lessons of my life so far and I hope that it continues teaching me something new every day. I hope that with time even I become a “PAKKA WALA MUMBAIKAR”.
I love Mumbai. Mumbai is an amazing place.
//•• It’s Alright ••//
”Not that I don’t want to be with you, but it’s just not working out anymore”, she said to me in an apologetic tone as she ended her reasoning speech. Piercing through my chest and it cut me into two. I could sense the guilt but there was nothing I could do. She was on the verge of bursting out and I was still here waiting to for her to tell me why. That little thing inside my chest kept alarming and telling me, “Sh sh sh. You promised you’ll never make her cry.” For the next 10 ten minutes none of us talked. I was very certain that there’s absolutely nothing left to talk. “I am sorry”, she said after that seemingly never ending pause. I took my eyes off the floor I had been looking for twenty three minutes now and looked into her eyes. Supressing those million questions and the urge to get a justification that could put her in pain, I smiled at her and said, “It’s alright.”
With tears running down, smudged mascara and swollen eyes, she looked into my eyes and said, “You don’t have to be so nice. Yell at me. Tell me that you’re not alright.” Choked up and barely able to breath, I wanted to tell her what she meant to me. Just for once, I wanted to be the weak one and have her shoulder to cry. But instead, I looked at her and smiled. Another moment of silence arrived that didn’t seem awkward anymore because that was the only bridge between us now for a good long while. Yet again the silence broke and she put her defence up, “It’s not you. It’s me. I don’t want to put you through anymore pain. I still love you but I’m sorry, I’m just sick of our fights.” Every breathe seemed to become heavier. “You can not stray me just because we fight. I may have screwed up at times, but you didn’t do any less either. I’ve never done anything to deserve the reward that you’re treating me with tonight and this time I’m really too tired to fight. There were times when you screwed up real bad, but I chose to stay. All I want to say is that this pain is excruciating, please don’t walk away.” I mumbled to myself. But I couldn’t burden her with a constant sense of pain and guilt she feels in my presence. So I got up, walked towards the door, turned around and said, “It’s alright!” 😊
//••Faded Memories••//
So, it’s been a pretty long while now that we’re friends no more. Long enough for both of us to even remember each other’s face. But darling, I remember everything about you. Right from that look in your eyes to the way you walked. I remember how we met for the first time and how we started talking. I remember how you smiled and how your cheekbones would touch the highest altitude possible whenever I would be around. I remember how the warmth of your hug would electrify my cold soul. I remember the rush I felt in my veins everytime you just called my name. I know I am very forgetful, but I remember the littlest details about you. About us. And the memories that don’t mean a thing to you anymore. Perhaps, making me feel like a walking graveyard of memories, as I carry the burden of the corpses of our memories on my shoulder and wander around looking for you everywhere, in every other person I meet. I remember our last 4am conversation like I remember the importance of breathing, and trust me it’s been a really long time since then. I remember it like it was just yesterday when we met at your favourite coffee shop and gulped down the laughter while sipping on our favourite cafe frappe. I remember how we would be around each other all the time. And yes, I also remember how you left me hanging in the middle of nowhere so abruptly. You saw me falling apart but never did you realize that the walls of ignorance I was building between us were for you to break through and rescue me from becoming the beast I never wanted to turn into. I remember the day you left. The day when the pen in a writer’s hand got replaced with a cigarette, and all the emotions that were supposed to end up being written on a paper were now rolled up in a piece of paper with some toxin, ending up as nothing but the smoke in the air. More than I am addicted to cigarette today, I was addicted to you, maybe. I still am, maybe. And now I realize that I loved you way too much for you to deserve me and WE were just too good to be true. And for the most of it, the only thing that I remember now is that I remember you way too much to remember myself anymore. 😊
You! 😊
chiragsanghvii 